I'm Not a Bloody Cafe! Actually … Perhaps I Am

I'm Not a Bloody Cafe! Actually … Perhaps I Am

I’m Not a Bloody Cafe! Actually … Perhaps I Am
1 September 2015

I have one kid who hates eggs and one who loves them. I try not to make meals tailored to their tastes, sometimes I yell, “I’m not a bloody cafe, you know!”

Who am I kidding? I love making custom meals for my kids. This morning I found myself making maple porridge for one and grilled toasties for the other. It’s my thing I do. We all have little things we like to do for our kids to let them know we love them. Like when I stand in the freezing kitchen at night boiling water for their hot water bottles. I can’t stand doing it, but I think of when they’re lying in bed cuddling into that warm fluffy bottle and how cosy they must feel. And that one day when they’re older they will remember the freezing house they used to live in, but it was OK because mum would bring them a fluffy hot water bottle every night.

These little pies and tarts are custom lunches I don’t mind taking time to make, short term effort for long term gain. As once these are done all that’s left to do on school morning is chuck them in a lunchbox with some fruit and a muffin and off you go.

Have a great spring everyone! I am BURSTING with joy! x



  • 6 eggs
  • 400g / 14.25oz cheddar, grated
  • nice big bunch of kale, chopped
  • 50g / 1.75oz butter
  • pinch of salt
  • puff pasty


  1. Preheat your oven to 200˚C / 400˚F / Gas Mark 6.
  2. Grease your muffin tray.
  3. Cut your puff pastry into circles big enough to fit into your muffin tray holes (see picture). I use a fowlers lid, it is the perfect size.
  4. Carefully place your pastry circles into your muffin tin holes.
  5. Place the butter and kale in a pan on low heat and cook until the kale becomes wilted (not mushy) and dark green.
  6. While the kale is cooling down, whisk the eggs together.
  7. Mix through the eggs the salt and cheese.
  8. Once the kale has cooled stir through the eggs.
  9. Put a spoonful of the mixture in the muffin tin holes with your pastry. Don’t fill over the top, just to the top.
  10. Place in the oven for 30 minutes, or until golden brown.



  • NO eggs
  • 2 medium beetroots
  • 5 medium onions, thinly sliced into half moons
  • 25g / .75oz butter
  • 2 tbsp brown sugar
  • 4 tbsp balsamic vinegar
  • 100g / 3.5oz feta
  • puff pasty


  1. Preheat oven to 200˚C / 400˚F / Gas Mark 6.
  2. Place the beetroots in a pan of boiling water and cook until you can poke them with a fork easily, the skin should come off without resistance too. Leave to cool.
  3. Put the butter and the onions in a pan on a low heat. Cook onions for about 15 minutes, until going a little golden.
  4. Add the brown sugar and 2 tbsp of the balsamic vinegar and continue cooking until nice and brown. Stir occasionally.
  5. Once the beetroot has cooled, peel them and slice them into little half moons too. (see pic if confused).
  6. Put them in a bowl and sprinkle with the remaining balsamic vinegar.
  7. Cut the pastry into circles, the fowlers lid is a good size for this too.
  8. Place the pasty circles on a baking tray lined with baking paper.
  9. Put a little of the onion mix in the middle of the circle and then two pieces of the beetroot on top. Repeat with the rest of your pastry circles.
  10. Drizzle with a little olive oil and pop in the oven for 25 minutes, or until golden brown.
  11. Once out of the oven, crumble feta on top.
  12. These are great hot or cold, that being said, I did eat about 4 straight out of the oven.