Take a Chance on Me
28 March 2014
As I was driving the kids to school, something amazing happened. Well not really, amazing amazing. But in my world it was amazing. The sun punched through the trees in beautiful rays of light, hitting the mist of the mountain morning. I pulled the car over and the girls knew straight away what was going on. I opened the car door and the smell of the cool air and eucalyptus hit me. This is my life. This is what makes me happy. So simple.
It got me thinking though, how I used to be so unhappy. Like depressed, eating medication to keep me ‘happy’, unhappy. I was overweight, I was sad, I didn’t laugh anymore and I found no joy in anything I used to love. I was in a marriage that was over and I just tread water. Everyday I just wished away, so I could curl back in to bed and sleep.
Then I started to exercise. I got fit. I started to feel good about myself and strong in my mind. I chucked the medication (don’t do this unless you speak to the doc first please) and I ran. I never thought I would be able to run, ever. I really did think I was one of those people who were just not born to run. I worked hard, it wasn’t bloody easy, that’s for sure. There were many moments of wanting to be sick from being so unfit and actually making my body move, there were jelly legs and there was the mental barrier of just feeling like I was NEVER going to be able to do it. But I did! And it gave me the strength to face the other issues in my life that were making me so unhappy.
I lay in bed one morning knowing this was the moment I was about to end my marriage. Staring at the ceiling, I felt ill. It was such a big thing to do. I felt guilt, I felt shame and I was sad. But neither of us were happy. The following minutes, hours, days, weeks and months were possibly the hardest I have had to endure. But we make it through tough times, don’t we. I ordered a skip. And another. And one more. And filled those suckers with all the crap from 8 years of being a consumer. I had enough. I wanted out. I didn’t want a mortgage, a car loan or ‘things’ to make me happy. I wanted simple things to give me joy. I sold my house. I paid off my debts and started at square one. This time I was going to make my life the one I wanted. I wanted to own my life, not it own me. I wanted time for my kids, I wanted space, air and freedom.
I guess I wanted to write this because I know there are so many people out there unhappy, or feeling trapped in their day to day life. Wanting for more, or less. And being scared to take a chance on their dream. And sometimes it is something little, not a whole bloody life change. It could be something you’re really awesome at, that you’d love to make a living doing. It could be you’d like to live near the beach. Wear less black. Go on a road trip. Quit your job, because your boss makes you feel like crap. I don’t know, it could be anything! Anything that is going to make your life yours. And you, you.
It is scary taking that leap of faith and the road might get a little bumpy, but life really does have a way of rewarding you for having the guts to be you.
Here I am. 3 years later. In the forest, on my daily drive, taking a photo of the sun shining through the trees. Happy. My kids happy. The happiest I have ever seen them. And I know that is because I am the happiest they have seen me.
Happy Friday ace people. x